Tag Archives: Love

The Reality of Persuasion

14 Oct

So pretty much the only thing I’ve gotten out of my English 400 (writing for citizen leaders. ?) class so far:

“Dorothy returned to full-time work a year and a half ago, after I quit my job.  The deal was that I would take over the cooking, but she loves to see her husband as the inspired author and herself as the able enabler.  My wife is a babe, and many babes go for inspired authors.  Of course, she might be persuading me: by acting as the kind of babe who goes for inspired authors, she turns me on.  Seduction underlies the most insidious, and enjoyable, forms of argument”.

Thank You For Arguing Jay Heinrichs

For Our First Date I Want You To Fly Me To The Moon

12 Aug

My Dream Day Version 1

  • 6:00am- I wake up to the street lights peeking through my window blinds.  Raindrops are having a race on my window pane.  The cool blue early morning sky slowly wakes up my room.  I watch all of this from under my covers. I’m wearing a white v-neck and comfy sweat pants cuddled up to the person of my dreams.  I fall to asleep against (?) back.
  • 9:00am- I wake up to fresh orange juice, french toast, sausage, and fluffy eggs on a tray next to my bed with a letter from the person I love thanking God that I woke up again for another day to live with them.  We sit in bed eating, laughing, and wasting an otherwise potentially productive morning.
  • 10:00am- I take my Shiba Inu “Buddah” out for a morning run.
  • 11:00am- Go driving by the countryside
  • 12:00pm- Have a fantastic lunch with friends somewhere really fancy that serves bread and butter on fancy white plates. Eat guilt free.
  • 2:00pm-Go to a carnival and do all the cool carni stuff like eat cotton candy and funnel cakes, and ride a merry go-round.
  • 4:00pm- Kiss on the ferris wheel
  • 5:00pm- Go home and get tipsy while making home-made pizzas with my honey bunny.  Because we are so buzzed we pile on our pizza  toppings messy and flour-bomb the kitchen. We will clean up in the morning, but right now we will drown in each other’s laughter.
  • 7:00pm- Sit in bed and watch movies. The good, the bad, and the plain weird.
  • 10:00pm- Get really dressed up and go out dancing a the coolest club in town.  Get in the club for free because I’m so sexy.  Get free drinks all night, but turn them down :p
  • 1:00am- Come home and fall asleep in the arms of someone I love.

Image From WeHearIt

I Am My Own Secret Admirer

6 Aug

To my heart,

I am currently frantic writing so I’m not sure if this is going to be pretty for you guys.  You know what really angers me? When people aren’t honest with me or themselves. That really takes the cake for me.  Save me the heartache and just tell me what you want in life. It’s okay if you want something different, just let me know so I can gracefully bow out and no one’s feelings has to get hurt.  I was talking to a friend the other day about people like this.  People who plant themselves in your life, whether by choice or not, and start to drain or replenish your energy.  Her response to me was this:

“[My mom] has a theory,that everyone is either a giver or a taker and you have to marry someone, [be friends with, share a house with, ect] who is the opposite of you.  It’s not a bad thing to be a taker. you just need to find the right kind of giver, if that makes sense like… some people need more help or more reassurance than others, so they are  takers while givers need to take care of someone.”
I’m not sure which one I am.  I can be seen as a taker because I do need a lot of attention in a relationship, but I do give A LOT also.  I think I have a problem with that. When I like someone or something I just don’t give a little, I give a humongous part of myself and I expect that in return, but when it doesn’t happen I become disappointed.  I want to take, but I’m not satisfied with what’s given to me.  Relationships are very aggravating for me because it’s a hard balancing act I have to learn if I want a succesful union. Remembering that it’s not only my feelings that are involved in the relationship is a hard pill to swallow.  Keeping in mind that my actions no longer just affect me, but they affect my partner as well is hard to do.  Saying and doing are two different things.  Sympathizing and empathizing are two different things. Love and infatuation are two different things. Single and taken are two different things-you learn to pick a side when you commit your life to someone, and if you are not ready for that cut the strings Pinocchio and don’t waste my time.  I can waste my time with someone else.  I could be “that” girl, the one who doesn’t care about what type of trash she brings home because she’s going to dispose of them the next morning anyway, “that” girl.  I think I could be that heartless.  I feel that heartless now because I’m constantly pouring out my heart only to watch it splatter on the ground.  Just thought I would mention you’re not the first to tell me I’m pretty or that you love me.  God, and I am so sick of that word. Love. Do people even realize the gravity of that word? Loving a human being and loving that strawberry smoothie you get after work every Tuesday are two different things.  Don’t love me just because I’m here, and don’t love me because I tell you to love me.  No one can teach you how to love someone, and if you need instructions well then maybe you need some more time alone to figure it out.  Love me because you want to because I sure do, and I sacrifice everyday for doing that.  I’m hurting everyday for doing that.  Don’t let all this pain go in vain, and if you are on another page then let me turn another chapter in my life and let you go.  I love you, but I love myself more.
– a love letter to myself
Image from WeHearIt

A Bottle Blonde’s Dream

3 Aug

I’m not sure if this is a result of me being a product of the Facebook age, but the desire to be beautiful is growing into a down right obsession for me.  And not just “beautiful”, but “drop-dead, lose sleep over, gosh I want to be buried looking like that” beautiful.  As y’all know I am a Tumblr addict so I spend a large amount of my time on the site looking at gorgeous women who I could only dream about looking like; the Sophia Lorens and Marylin Monroes of 2012.  Sometimes I have these moments when I’m in the mirror and I make a face, for no apparent reason at all, that I am in love with and cry about later that I was too stupid to have not had my camera on me, like that was my only chance in life to be pretty.  Being pretty like those Tumblr girls seems impossible for me. How could I ever measure up? I know I can’t, but I can try right? That’s where the problem comes in :/ .  Spending hours online watching style and makeup videos, researching how to tone and lose weight, and learning how to take pictures like a Victoria Secret model is exhausting!  I am a perfectionist to a fault and I am always striving to be the best at everything I do, but how can you be the best at being beautiful?  I just really want to be like my vixen idols T.T

Extending the Olive Oil and Zaatar?

29 Jul

Image from Weheartit.com

What’s up everybody 🙂  I’m slowly coming back from the dead.  Sorry I haven’t been around as much as I would have liked to, but I’ve been having a rough summer so the  last thing on my mind was writing.  Things are slowly turning around however.  I am now writing for Love Twenty online magazine, so I am extremely happy to announce that, and yesterday I found out that Michele Ragussis commented on my blog ^^! How cool is that?  I was ecstatic when I saw the comment from the Food Network Star contender and felt honored that she took time out of her day to thank me, a random blogger.  Speaking of comments, I also received a comment from an individual who said that I should immediately cross out “make a list of 10 things I love about myself” off my “Get-A-Life” goal checklist because there are definitely more than 10 things to love about me.  I was really touched by that writer, and I just want them to know that their comment really changed the tone of my weekend; keep writing beautiful comments because you are changing people’s lives.

Okay 🙂 enough with being emo, lets talk about what’s been going on in Disa’s life. Okay well this summer I definietly have been taking the opportunity to discover who I truly am.  I feel like I’m finally

Coffy Cafe in Columbia Heights, Washington DC

asserting authority over my life.  My bestie got herself an internship in DC this summer, so I’ve been playing around with her in the city going to cafes, bars, and the mall; I feel so metropolitan.  For the remainder of the summer I’m just going to plan to focus on my career goals, my writing, and repairing my relationship with my family.  As I’ve mentioned in a previous post me and my family have been on bad terms for a while now; things are just starting to be good again between us.  Last night I watched retro slasher “I Saw What You Did” and ate Jordanian Zaatar on pita bread with my oldest sister- both experiences were interesting.  “I Saw What You Did” was hardly scary at all so I wouldn’t recommend this movie to any horror buffs.  The movie  featured Joan Crawford in her “past her prime” days, and her acting ability in this movie definitely shows her time in the limelight was indeed up. The Jordanian Zaatar accompanied with pita bread was pretty good.  Normally I don’t  like Middle Eastern foods, but this meal was delicious and full of earthy, spicy goodness.  All-in-all the evening was relaxing, and the most important thing is my sister decided to hang out with me.  She’s starting to care about me again even though she doesn’t agree with certain things I’ve decided to accept into my life; she’s worried if I’m in a good place mentally.  I can honestly say that I haven’t been feeling good about myself lately, but I’m trying really hard to get the “old Kandice” back, and be able to smile and laugh again without hesitation.  Hopefully things are starting to look up for me.

*Most images are from Google with the exception of the photo from the Coffy Cafe.

Things My Mother Never Told Me But I Discovered Them On My Own Post 2: Epiphanies Are Only For The Movies

14 Jun

I’ve seen Eat, Pray, Love before and I hated the movie the first time I watched it.  I thought the film was old lady-ish and it came off more as a food/travel documentary with all the scenic shots of the foreign locations and food porn than a motivational narrative about life which I thought the film was supposed to be about (What? It wasn’t about James Franco?).  It came on television again yesterday and I decided to watch it again.  Since I’m starting to re-evaluate my wants and understanding of the world I thought maybe my view of the movie would have changed.  It didn’t.  I still hate the movie, and what makes it even worse is that there was ice cream in the fridge calling my name and I didn’t even bother getting any during the film :(.

ice cream photo: WeHeartIt

Day 08 Blog Myself to Death for 30 Days (or something close to that)

25 Dec

A letter to my parents…

Ma and Daddy,

                        You know, I could be a complete evil wench right now and just make a laundry list of all the selfish things both of you did to me and the rest of your children, but honestly it is mentally exhausting for me to keep tally of all the consequences of your actions.  I don’t need to keep count anymore because I am the living proof of what happens when two people who are not ready to parent breed.  I’m living your tragedy everyday , but I’m not going to focus on that in this letter.  This letter will focus on the blessings rather than the pain I have received from you.  At the end of the day I may not be in love with you, but I do respect you and love you as a daughter should love the people who gave life to her.  I’m not going to lie.  I’m not over what you did, but I don’t hate you anymore.

Daddy:

Thank you for teaching me to be self-reliant.  Things don’t get done unless I move them, and I’ve definitely learned from you that I set the tone of my life.  Thank you for always pushing me to do better.  “Good” is not good enough to you; excellence is the only way to greatness.  Making me sit at the dinner table for three hours learning cursive never did improve my “John Hancock”, but I’m proud at the crooked letters I write today because I know the work that slanted n took and it’s the best slanted n known to man.  When you were around, and on your best behavior, you made everyone smile and laugh and feel special; I miss that part about you the most.  Thank you for letting me dance on your shoes when I was young and for always wanting to  hold my hand.  Thank you for not forgetting me

Love,

Kandice Alexandra Farmer

P.S

Remember this,

you are the only man I continue to love who constantly screws me over.   … …Love is very funny in that way.

Ma:

I’ve written your letter over and over again and it is difficult coming up with anything I would be proud to say about my mother.  It’s no secret our relationship is strained, but thank you for at least taking on the responsibility of being my mother; even though you could have done better, thank you for trying.  Thank you for constantly trying, for always trying to love me even when I didn’t want your love anymore.  It may be hard to believe, but deep down I do love you.  I love you so much my heart hurts every time I have to close it again to keep your hurtful ways out.  Sometimes I feel like I didn’t get enough from you, but I now realize I got as much as you could give.  Thank you for teaching me to always hold my head up through anything.

I love you,

Kandice

Image from WeHeartIt