Tag Archives: lifestyle

Where The Sidewalk Ends

14 Oct

Hi guys ūüôā Sorry I’ve been MIA for so long. ¬†So much has happened this summer, but now fall is arriving and cooling everything down including my life. ¬†I want some hot chocolate and cookies now that I’m writing about the crisp season approaching my small, country college town. ¬†I’m in a new apartment with new¬†roommates¬†(thank goodness). ¬†All in all they are okay¬†roommates. ¬†The only negative thing that has happened so far at this house is that one evening I came home to a passed out roomie locked inside the bathroom, (we had to take a butter knife to pry the door knob off), and a shower full of vomit I later had the pleasure of cleaning up. Yeah, gross. ¬†Don’t worry :/ . ¬†We are still on good terms. ¬†She apologized to me and told me it would never happen again. ¬†Let’s hope not.

My classes this semester are the hardest I’ve ever taken . ¬†I’m taking a lot of 400-level writing intensive courses (the highest level of classes my college offers for undergrads) this time around,so the workload has doubled. ¬†On top of my daily mountain of school work I’m back to working at the writing center; I’m working more hours at the center this semester. ¬†All this work is making my head spin and causing me to crash on the weekends; I do absolutely nothing but sleep and party. Partying? ¬†Yes; I¬†believe¬†partying is in¬†inevitable in a lifeless college town like mine. ¬†Now I’m not “animal house”¬† partying. ¬†At the types of parties I get invited to we talk about things like literature and religion over peppermint patty shots. ¬†Not as exciting and stereotypical as most college parties, but they are still fun.

This post is a really lazy one because nothing is really going on in my life at the moment. ¬†I’ve been writing poetry a lot lately; I’m starting to take my creative writing seriously. ¬†I’m not sure where I want to go with this writing, but right now it’s really relaxing and¬†therapeutic. ¬†Other than that there is nothing else. ¬†I’ll get back to you when there is. ¬†In the meanwhile, lets all live life drunk and full:

 

 

Enlightenment Over Cold Chinese Food

15 Jun

After reading Catherine’s latest blog post “Accepting Your Lot”¬†late last night and pondering over the¬†recent events that have taken place in my life over a bowl of miscellaneous, cold, soggy Chinese take-out this morning,¬†I’ve realized I’ve been approaching my life problems all wrong.¬† If you do not know what I’m referring to my last post¬†explains it all.¬† When this issue first hit the fan I went¬†berzerk like a live chicken¬†about to hit the frying pan.¬† When I¬† got hit with my family’s heavy rejection of my relationship I was so¬†upset. I mean Naomi Campbell¬†bipolar upset.¬†I didn’t realize I could become so angry, but I flipped out on myself and my family.¬† I spent weeks severely depressed, having conversations with my (?) like this:

Me: I have to leave! I have to get out of here!

(?): Calm Down. Just lay down and relax.

Me: How can I relax? My family hates me.¬† I can’t eat, sleep, I’ve been having nightmares;how can I relax?¬† I want to leave and be with you.

(?): You know we can’t do that right now.¬† I’m working on us being together.

Me: How long do I have to wait for that to happen?

(?): …It’s going to take time.¬† We have to find jobs, save some money-that’s all going to take time.

Me: (Crying hysterically) BUT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW! … You know what? I can handle this.¬† Thanks anyway.

(?): Are you okay? (Concern over the giant shift in my mood)

Me: (lying through my teeth and mad as heck) I’m fine. You can go to bed now.

(?): … I love you. Please take care of yourself.¬† There won’t be an “us” if you are not here.

Me: What’s the point?

What’s the point? I can’t believe I said that.¬† What’s the point about my life that I’ve worked so hard for?¬† Are you kidding Kandice? How could I let myself become so defeated?¬† I’m sad and embarrassed that I allowed myself to spiral so out of control.¬† In between bites of cold shrimp and rice I attempted to piece together¬†reasoning for my current self-loathing.¬† I’ve been through worst, A LOT worse, so why¬†have I¬†been feeling like a complete wreck?¬†What was different about this time?

Maybe because this is the first time in my life where I got what I wanted with no effort on my part.¬† Okay a little effort was there.¬† I had to meet (?) and get this person to like me so there was some minor effort, but nothing that I had to change myself for so maybe that’s why I’m so attached.¬† That’s a probable answer to my problem.¬† Another possible solution is that I¬†want to have the “American dream” in three seconds.¬† Because I am so happy and have been happy for the past five months in this relationship I want to stay happy all the time.¬† Well obviously when my family found out about the relationship my happiness was done¬†for, but my need for it wasn’t.¬† This hunger to revel in love and skip the hard part about having this relationship grew to hulk-size within me, and I started coming up with irrational ideas of how I could escape my problems.¬† What¬†was I thinking?¬† I should be¬†the first to know that nothing comes over night, and you get what you give.¬† Take this blog for example.¬† It took me an entire year plus some months to receive¬†100 daily¬†views and 22 twitter followers.¬† I didn’t gain “true friends” until my sophomore/junior year of college.¬† My new relationship? I was friends with this person for 2 years before we started dating.¬† Nothing has come to me overnight so why I thought my “adult-life” would be any different is crazy.¬† I need to CHILL OUT and take baby steps on how I’m going to reach my goals, so for the remainder of this post I’m going to make an immediate “Get-A-Life” goal list:

1. Get my own phone and start paying my own phone bill.  http://www.amazon.com/LG-Optimus-Prepaid-Android-Virgin/dp/B004LJ8N78  http://www.amazon.com/Samsung-Dart-Prepaid-Android-T-Mobile/dp/B0057JAQXU

2. Create a savings account and save 2000 dollars

3. I want to have a job that I I love.  I found a couple of social media internships (not paid) where I can write about food (something I definitely know about).

4.  Start publishing my writing on the internet.

5. Fine tune my resume, create a cover letter, and a list of references.

6. Move out of my mom’s house after I graduate with my honeybunny.

7.  Create a friend/family circle

8. Be employed for an entire year and secure employment after school

9. Get a new laptop (with webcam) and camera

Usually when I write¬†my dreams¬†down they come true; maybe by my subconscious efforts.¬† Whatever the case may be I need to just relax and let life happen which is EXTREMELY hard for me, but you won’t get change if you do the same thing.

Being a Liar Is So Much Better

15 May

I come to you readers very depressed, so depressed that I’m not even sure how I am mentally capable of writing right now. ¬†Recently I haven’t been able to sleep properly and I’ve been eating nothing but soft food because I’m having a hard time holding down anything solid. I can’t¬†believe¬†I was so happy a few days ago and now my world is in a tailspin because of a lie I have been living. ¬†I wish I had a scapegoat for this, but the truth is I have no one to blame but myself. ¬†I am not at liberty to discuss the “lie” I’ve been withholding at the moment, but I can tell you that this is a life-altering,¬†conscious¬†decision I have decided to make. ¬†I hope my family and friends forgive me and still accept me for my true self. ¬†I do plan on revealing my “problem” in later posts.

Now since I’m in the truthful mood I’ve decided to dedicate the next few posts to the theme “Truths My Mother Never Told Me But I Discovered Them On My Own”. ¬†In these posts I will expose everything that has happened to me this semester. ¬†Stay tuned.

By the way…

If any of y’all have¬†any suggestions¬†on how I should get over my issue please send them my way. ¬†I’ve been watching ¬†Chriselle Lim’s color therapy YouTube video lately hoping that it may help me with my sadness. ¬†Her video discusses how the color of your clothes can improve your mood. ¬†I’m not sure this works Chrissy because at the moment I’m wearing a bright pink t-shirt and I still want to stuff myself with brownies and hide under the covers, but I’m willing to watch your video again. ¬†Maybe there is something I’m missing…

 

I don’t want to grow up

24 May

 

So I‚Äôm finding it hard to write about anything, but I have the energy and time right now to¬†so I feel like I have to write something.¬† I‚Äôm vacationing from school right now so every day has been a ‚Äúparty all night, sleep all day‚ÄĚ situation.¬† It‚Äôs been fun, but I hope I find a job soon, or at least something to do during the remainder of my break.¬† The family van broke down and I don‚Äôt have any money to ride the bus, so I‚Äôm being held hostage by the white walls of my bedroom, excuse me I mean our¬†bedroom.¬† I share a bed with two of my sisters.¬† I know, what is a 20 year-old doing sharing a bed with her two adult sisters?¬† It‚Äôs a long, financially complicated story, but the short version is I live in a three bedroom house and there are five of us here; there‚Äôs no room for me to be picky.¬† But I‚Äôm a rolling stone so what do I care where I lay my head?¬† I‚Äôll be gone in three months back to the warp hole¬†of college.¬† I‚Äôm so negative when it comes to college, but wouldn‚Äôt you be if you had to deal with excessive immaturity, vomit and pee in the elevator, and run-ins with drunk partiers?¬† Whatever happened to clean fun?¬† But apparently this is what the average college student does.¬† I‚Äôm not doing it, but then again I haven‚Äôt done most things that adults do.¬† Is this a problem?¬† My oldest sister doesn‚Äôt understand when I ask her this question because she sees me as her little sister, but I don‚Äôt want other people to see me that way.¬† But on the other hand, if I start trying to act like an adult by dressing and acting in a way my peers believe to be a defining mark of maturity, something I may not necessarily agree with, would I be sacrificing my beliefs or would I be shaping into an adult?¬† Does doing things like drinking, having boyfriends, and partying all night make you an adult?¬† The answer seems easy, but the pressure is not when everyone around ¬†you sees you as the virginal wallflower stopping the party.¬† But should I be concerned with their thoughts about me when our lifestyles are in two different lanes?¬† I try to live my life according to the Bible and keep my association with people who are spiritually clean, but even with them I feel out of place.¬† I feel like I‚Äôm not living up to the Christian lifestyle I vowed to take; I don‚Äôt measure up.¬†¬†I feel helpless trying to figure this all out on my own.¬† Being an adult sucks!

Confessions of a Blogger

24 May

 

Dear blog,

I wanted to write you this apology letter for my bad blogger behavior.  I have abandoned you and let the little readership I had dwindle away. I haven’t had the dedication and drive to write in you every single day which in my book is a crime for beginner bloggers to commit so early in the game.  I am most apologetic for my worst grievance towards you which is not being 100% authentic on this blog; I have not been using you for your intended purpose.  Yeah, you have a couple of posts that give your audience a little glimpse of me, but none of them have that raw honesty that so many, including myself, enjoy reading in blogs.  No one knows that I:

  1. am afraid of total darkness
  2. can beat any ninja turtle in a pizza eating contest
  3. am 20 years old and has never dated
  4. addicted to K-pop
  5. stuff myself with junk tv, cooking shows, and the travel channel
  6. lives in a house with all girls
  7. shares a bedroom with not one, but two of my sisters
  8. obsessed with reinventing myself (I’m not kidding. Every summer before school starts I spend the dog days refining my personality)
  9. hates candy (except for chocolate)
  10. believes Oprah is a genius
  11.  owns a spoiled Chihuahua
  12. was college roommates with my twin (until recently)
  13. loves foreign accents
  14. secretly wants to become a gamer, or at least become best friends with a gamer
  15. rates a party’s awesomeness by their food selection
  16. knows some Korean (mostly slang terms)
  17. is focused on having a Christ-like mind (a daily struggle in today’s world)
  18. Facebook stalks(don’t act like you’ve never looked up the people who did you wrong to see how their life turned out)
  19. has anxiety about driving
  20. has contemplated suicide(I tried but morbidly speaking was too chicken to carry it out)
  21. doesn’t own one pair of high heels
  22. never had an imaginary friend, even faked having one just so I could feel included in on this childhood pastime
  23. got in a car accident on prom night
  24. regretful that I didn’t ask anybody to prom
  25. has never had a friendship last more than three years
  26. thinks library books are not clean
  27. love my friends like family

And the list of confessions could go on.¬† My dishonesty and concealment of myself has hindered the genuineness of this blog.¬† I remember having an eye-opening conversation with someone about my blog that made me rethink the way I was writing.¬† They asked me about my blog and I replied that it was just a private writing thing I did on the side.¬† Their response, ‚ÄúYou created something on the web for millions of people to see, yet you want to live privately?‚ÄĚ- a question that hit me hard in the gut and called me out on my bull.¬† What‚Äôs the point of blogging about my life if I‚Äôm not going to be completely honest about what‚Äôs happening to me?¬† Am I afraid people will think I‚Äôm crazy?¬† What‚Äôs too crazy to say on the web?- I‚Äôm not sure what to think, but I know it‚Äôs time for a change.¬† As you can notice dear blog I have given you a face-lift to mark a new beginning for you.¬† I‚Äôm changing the atmosphere of this blogsphere.¬† I can‚Äôt fake confidence anymore, so I‚Äôm just going to be my dysfunctional self. ¬†¬†If no one ends up wanting to read my blog or criticizes me for my opinions well that‚Äôs their lost.¬† I‚Äôm not seeking anyone‚Äôs approval but my own now.

Sincerely,

A redeemed blogger

Pink Friday

26 Feb

I’m Back!!!! I’m finally feeling much better after a week of faithfully downing Dayquil and hot tea.¬† This week has been so crazy with classes and my cold I’m just glad I have the energy to blog.¬† No pink finds this week, but I came across a lot of odd tidbits:

Stefanie Bezaire

Stefanie Bezaire¬†is an up and coming plus size fashion designer making the large¬†audience of curvy women extremely happy.¬† She’s a fresh face to¬†the plus size clothing industry, but curvaceous women have no fear;¬†her¬†fashions are definitely¬†not amateur.¬† Out of¬†Windsor, Ontario comes a fabulous¬†line of¬†vintage chic clothing for thicker women.¬† I’m really excited about Stefanie Bezaire’s¬†line.¬†I love¬†that now I can be cool and sophisticated like my smaller counterparts.¬† I wish I could afford one of her pieces (at this time I am officially dead broke), but hopefully in the future money will grow in my pockets and¬†then I will be able to get one of these goodies:

Quote of a lifetime:

“Dream like you’ll live forever and live like you’ll die tommorow”-Anynomous

I really love this quote because it personifies the message of this blog.¬† I’m almost 20 years old and I’ve already wasted my high school years and freshman year of college not being myself.¬† It’s time to return to my old self and be fun again.

Quote of the week:

“Life sucks and then you die”-¬†My Professor of Modern Theater

This quote pretty much sums¬†up every modern play I’ve read this semester. Yep, it’s that dark.

Are you saying to yourself right now “what in the world is going on in her life”? Yep, my week has been that random.

Happy Pink Friday Everyone:) !

Image Link: http://weheartit.com/entry/7464011