Tag Archives: life

We’re Broken Up and I Was Left With a Frying Pan and Yoga Pants…

6 Dec

Hi readers ūüôā ! Sorry I’ve been MIA for so long. ¬† It’s my senior year at college and the workload this semester was crazy @.@ Now that finals are over I can get back to writing for this blog and sorting through my life. ¬†Thanks for continuing to read and I will be¬†updating¬†soon. ¬†The story below is a diary entry I wrote during this semester about some life changes that have¬†occurred¬†in my life. ¬†It is really short, sweet, and simple, but this is just something for y’all to chew on while I work on ¬†more content for this blog. ¬†Please feel free to comment ¬†ūüôā

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I bought a frying pan, yoga pants, and broke up with my best friend  all in one week.  Why is my life like a bad spin-off?  I try to avoid this type of drama, but it seems to follow me everywhere I go.  I can’t create this kind of chaos in my life even if I tried.  Basically this is what happened:

  1. On Friday my friend revealed the ugliness within herself to me and our friendship ended.  (This occurred the weekend of Halloween.  I don’t know if that is what influenced her to turn all Freddy vs. Jason on me)
  2. Cried about it for literally 15 minutes then went to my local bar.
  3. Saturday I bought a frying pan.  Not sure if I subconsciously purchased this item to drown out my sorrow about my broken friendship with fried calories, but now I can cook at home which is something  I always wanted to do.
  4. Along with the frying pan I bought yoga pants in case my “junk food therapy” came back to bite me lol.

This is a summary of my current life.¬† I‚Äôm sad to admit¬†I’ve¬†been lonely at times since the break up, but I would rather be happy and alone then crowded around false friends and depressed.¬† The relationship was mentally draining because I always felt like I had to keep up with her, had to be good enough for her to make our friendship last.¬† I think she recognized my insecurity and took advantage of it. ¬† I had to change the way I was being treated, even if that means from now on lonely lunch dates and Friday nights. Oh well. Fried twinkie anyone?

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The Facebook Sonnet

14 Oct

 

Enough said ūüôā

Where The Sidewalk Ends

14 Oct

Hi guys ūüôā Sorry I’ve been MIA for so long. ¬†So much has happened this summer, but now fall is arriving and cooling everything down including my life. ¬†I want some hot chocolate and cookies now that I’m writing about the crisp season approaching my small, country college town. ¬†I’m in a new apartment with new¬†roommates¬†(thank goodness). ¬†All in all they are okay¬†roommates. ¬†The only negative thing that has happened so far at this house is that one evening I came home to a passed out roomie locked inside the bathroom, (we had to take a butter knife to pry the door knob off), and a shower full of vomit I later had the pleasure of cleaning up. Yeah, gross. ¬†Don’t worry :/ . ¬†We are still on good terms. ¬†She apologized to me and told me it would never happen again. ¬†Let’s hope not.

My classes this semester are the hardest I’ve ever taken . ¬†I’m taking a lot of 400-level writing intensive courses (the highest level of classes my college offers for undergrads) this time around,so the workload has doubled. ¬†On top of my daily mountain of school work I’m back to working at the writing center; I’m working more hours at the center this semester. ¬†All this work is making my head spin and causing me to crash on the weekends; I do absolutely nothing but sleep and party. Partying? ¬†Yes; I¬†believe¬†partying is in¬†inevitable in a lifeless college town like mine. ¬†Now I’m not “animal house”¬† partying. ¬†At the types of parties I get invited to we talk about things like literature and religion over peppermint patty shots. ¬†Not as exciting and stereotypical as most college parties, but they are still fun.

This post is a really lazy one because nothing is really going on in my life at the moment. ¬†I’ve been writing poetry a lot lately; I’m starting to take my creative writing seriously. ¬†I’m not sure where I want to go with this writing, but right now it’s really relaxing and¬†therapeutic. ¬†Other than that there is nothing else. ¬†I’ll get back to you when there is. ¬†In the meanwhile, lets all live life drunk and full:

 

 

For Our First Date I Want You To Fly Me To The Moon

12 Aug

My Dream Day Version 1

  • 6:00am-¬†I wake up to the street lights peeking through my window blinds.¬† Raindrops are having a race on my window pane.¬† The cool blue early morning sky slowly wakes up my room.¬† I watch all of this from under my covers. I’m wearing a white v-neck and comfy sweat pants cuddled up to the person of my dreams.¬† I fall to asleep against (?) back.
  • 9:00am-¬†I wake up to fresh orange juice, french toast, sausage, and fluffy eggs on a tray next to my bed with a letter from the person I love thanking God that I woke up again for another day to live with them.¬† We sit in bed eating, laughing, and wasting an otherwise potentially¬†productive morning.
  • 10:00am-¬†I take my Shiba¬†Inu¬†“Buddah” out for a morning run.
  • 11:00am- Go driving by the countryside
  • 12:00pm- Have a fantastic lunch with friends somewhere really fancy that serves bread and butter on fancy white plates. Eat guilt free.
  • 2:00pm-Go¬†to a carnival and do¬†all the cool carni stuff like eat cotton candy and funnel cakes, and ride a merry go-round.
  • 4:00pm- Kiss on the ferris wheel
  • 5:00pm-¬†Go home and get tipsy¬†while making home-made pizzas with my honey bunny.¬† Because we are so buzzed we pile on our pizza ¬†toppings messy¬†and flour-bomb the kitchen. We will clean up in the morning, but right now we will drown in each other’s laughter.
  • 7:00pm-¬†Sit in bed and watch movies. The good, the bad, and the plain weird.
  • 10:00pm- Get really dressed up and go out dancing a the coolest¬†club in town.¬† Get in the club for free because I’m so sexy.¬† Get free drinks all night, but turn them down :p
  • 1:00am- Come home and fall asleep in the arms of someone I love.

Image From WeHearIt

Extending the Olive Oil and Zaatar?

29 Jul

Image from Weheartit.com

What’s up everybody ūüôā¬† I’m slowly coming back from the dead.¬† Sorry I haven’t been around as much as I would have liked¬†to, but I’ve been having¬†a rough summer so the¬† last thing on my mind was writing.¬† Things are slowly turning around however.¬† I am now writing for¬†Love Twenty online magazine, so I am extremely happy¬†to announce that, and yesterday I¬†found out that¬†Michele Ragussis¬†commented on my blog ^^! How cool is that?¬† I was ecstatic¬†when I saw the comment from the Food Network Star contender and felt honored that she took time out of her day to thank me, a random blogger.¬† Speaking of comments, I also received¬†a comment from an individual who said that I should immediately cross out “make a list of 10 things I love about myself” off my “Get-A-Life” goal checklist because there are definitely¬†more than 10 things to love about me.¬† I was really touched by that writer, and I just want them to know that their comment really changed the tone of my weekend; keep writing beautiful comments because you are changing people’s lives.

Okay ūüôā enough with being emo, lets talk about what’s been going on in Disa’s life. Okay well this summer I¬†definietly have been taking the opportunity to discover who I truly am.¬† I feel like I’m¬†finally

Coffy Cafe in Columbia Heights, Washington DC

asserting authority over my life.¬† My bestie¬†got herself an internship in DC this summer, so¬†I’ve been playing around with her in the city going to cafes, bars, and the mall; I feel so metropolitan.¬† For the remainder of¬†the summer I’m just going to plan to focus on my career goals, my writing, and repairing my relationship with my family.¬† As I’ve mentioned in a previous post me and my family have been on bad terms for a while now; things are just starting¬†to be¬†good again between us.¬† Last night I watched¬†retro slasher “I¬†Saw What You Did”¬†and ate¬†Jordanian Zaatar¬†on pita bread with my oldest sister-¬†both experiences were interesting.¬† “I Saw What You Did” was hardly scary¬†at all so I wouldn’t recommend¬†this movie to any¬†horror buffs.¬† The movie¬† featured Joan Crawford in her “past her prime” days, and her acting ability in this movie definitely¬†shows her time in the limelight was indeed¬†up.¬†The Jordanian Zaatar accompanied with pita bread was pretty good.¬† Normally I don’t¬† like Middle Eastern foods, but this meal was delicious and full of earthy, spicy¬†goodness.¬† All-in-all the evening was relaxing, and the most important thing is my sister decided to hang out with me.¬† She’s starting to care about me again even though she doesn’t agree with certain things I’ve decided to accept into my life; she’s worried if I’m in a good place mentally.¬† I can honestly say that I haven’t been feeling good about myself lately, but I’m trying really hard to get the “old Kandice” back, and be able to smile and laugh again without hesitation.¬† Hopefully things¬†are starting to look up for me.

*Most images are from Google with the exception of the photo from the Coffy Cafe.

Enlightenment Over Cold Chinese Food

15 Jun

After reading Catherine’s latest blog post “Accepting Your Lot”¬†late last night and pondering over the¬†recent events that have taken place in my life over a bowl of miscellaneous, cold, soggy Chinese take-out this morning,¬†I’ve realized I’ve been approaching my life problems all wrong.¬† If you do not know what I’m referring to my last post¬†explains it all.¬† When this issue first hit the fan I went¬†berzerk like a live chicken¬†about to hit the frying pan.¬† When I¬† got hit with my family’s heavy rejection of my relationship I was so¬†upset. I mean Naomi Campbell¬†bipolar upset.¬†I didn’t realize I could become so angry, but I flipped out on myself and my family.¬† I spent weeks severely depressed, having conversations with my (?) like this:

Me: I have to leave! I have to get out of here!

(?): Calm Down. Just lay down and relax.

Me: How can I relax? My family hates me.¬† I can’t eat, sleep, I’ve been having nightmares;how can I relax?¬† I want to leave and be with you.

(?): You know we can’t do that right now.¬† I’m working on us being together.

Me: How long do I have to wait for that to happen?

(?): …It’s going to take time.¬† We have to find jobs, save some money-that’s all going to take time.

Me: (Crying hysterically) BUT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW! … You know what? I can handle this.¬† Thanks anyway.

(?): Are you okay? (Concern over the giant shift in my mood)

Me: (lying through my teeth and mad as heck) I’m fine. You can go to bed now.

(?): … I love you. Please take care of yourself.¬† There won’t be an “us” if you are not here.

Me: What’s the point?

What’s the point? I can’t believe I said that.¬† What’s the point about my life that I’ve worked so hard for?¬† Are you kidding Kandice? How could I let myself become so defeated?¬† I’m sad and embarrassed that I allowed myself to spiral so out of control.¬† In between bites of cold shrimp and rice I attempted to piece together¬†reasoning for my current self-loathing.¬† I’ve been through worst, A LOT worse, so why¬†have I¬†been feeling like a complete wreck?¬†What was different about this time?

Maybe because this is the first time in my life where I got what I wanted with no effort on my part.¬† Okay a little effort was there.¬† I had to meet (?) and get this person to like me so there was some minor effort, but nothing that I had to change myself for so maybe that’s why I’m so attached.¬† That’s a probable answer to my problem.¬† Another possible solution is that I¬†want to have the “American dream” in three seconds.¬† Because I am so happy and have been happy for the past five months in this relationship I want to stay happy all the time.¬† Well obviously when my family found out about the relationship my happiness was done¬†for, but my need for it wasn’t.¬† This hunger to revel in love and skip the hard part about having this relationship grew to hulk-size within me, and I started coming up with irrational ideas of how I could escape my problems.¬† What¬†was I thinking?¬† I should be¬†the first to know that nothing comes over night, and you get what you give.¬† Take this blog for example.¬† It took me an entire year plus some months to receive¬†100 daily¬†views and 22 twitter followers.¬† I didn’t gain “true friends” until my sophomore/junior year of college.¬† My new relationship? I was friends with this person for 2 years before we started dating.¬† Nothing has come to me overnight so why I thought my “adult-life” would be any different is crazy.¬† I need to CHILL OUT and take baby steps on how I’m going to reach my goals, so for the remainder of this post I’m going to make an immediate “Get-A-Life” goal list:

1. Get my own phone and start paying my own phone bill.  http://www.amazon.com/LG-Optimus-Prepaid-Android-Virgin/dp/B004LJ8N78  http://www.amazon.com/Samsung-Dart-Prepaid-Android-T-Mobile/dp/B0057JAQXU

2. Create a savings account and save 2000 dollars

3. I want to have a job that I I love.  I found a couple of social media internships (not paid) where I can write about food (something I definitely know about).

4.  Start publishing my writing on the internet.

5. Fine tune my resume, create a cover letter, and a list of references.

6. Move out of my mom’s house after I graduate with my honeybunny.

7.  Create a friend/family circle

8. Be employed for an entire year and secure employment after school

9. Get a new laptop (with webcam) and camera

Usually when I write¬†my dreams¬†down they come true; maybe by my subconscious efforts.¬† Whatever the case may be I need to just relax and let life happen which is EXTREMELY hard for me, but you won’t get change if you do the same thing.

Things My Mother Never Told Me But I Discovered Them On My Own Post 1: Choose Your Roommates Wisely

28 May

One of¬†life’s important lessons that¬†college teaches you is¬†that there¬†will be¬†times in your life when you are¬†forced to¬†get along with people who have no desire to. ¬†I have plenty of experience with this since I have lived with three different sets of roommates during my college days. ¬†Each of them have confirmed my hatred of people. (Haha) I’m joking, but my stories are pretty bad:

Freshman Year On The Party Floor:

I entered college naive to the debauchery that I would have to endure for years to come. ¬†Sure I heard about crazy keg parties and the meaning behind socks hanging on doors before, but I thought those things were hidden college activities you had to search for; I was not ready for this type of “college” to¬†arrive at the front step of my dorm.

Now before I go on with my story let me give you a little background on who Kandice¬†was before college. ¬†I was raised¬†in a very strict, religious household, although my sisters and I had the freedom to do whatever we wanted within reason. ¬†At first college was not an¬†option for me¬†because my¬†parents worried about the negative influence I might be exposed to you know, drugs, sex, drinking, feminist thinking-anything that¬†challenged¬†our beliefs. ¬†My parents caved into the idea of college with the exception that I attended school with my twin sister and we were roommates for all four years. ¬†Sounds like a fool-proof plan to keep me¬†from falling in with the bad crowd, but oh how things do change…

Freshman Year: My first set of roommates were these perky, annoying, sorority white girls. ¬†I mention that their white because they¬†definitely¬†saw their race as a division between me and my sister. ¬†They were whiny, dirty, and unusually loud (they never walked, they always stomped). ¬†There was six of us and we shared a suite on the “party floor”. ¬†I didn’t know I lived on the party floor until one day I was riding the elevators and¬†someone¬†had taped right next to the 8th floor button “party floor”. ¬†If I knew my future weekends would consist of loud parties, drunk roommates, and tampons covered with pizza sauce (exactly, you’ve read right, pizza tampons) then I would have made sure to end up in a more quite dwelling place.

What really bothered me about my freshman roommates¬†was their passive-aggressiveness. ¬†Whenever there was an issue that¬†occurred between us they would rather write post-it notes than confront the issue. ¬†I remember there was this infamous note placed on the bathroom door¬†to remind us, and when I say “us” I mean me and my sister, that “kids in Africa don’t have toilet paper like we do so we need to learn how to conserve”. ¬†I mean I thought I was an approachable human¬†being, but apparently not. ¬†Those girls were horrible communicators, and they¬†definitely¬†taught me that some girls are not “sugar, spice, and everything nice”

Sophomore¬†Year: I had survived my Freshman year and I was really starting to enjoy college.¬† Me and my sister were now out of the freshman highrise and into a more traditional dorm room where we shared one bathroom with two neighboring girls.¬† Finally life was okay, but beware of the quiet before the storm; I should have been¬†on the lookout for storm clouds before life took a turn for the worse.¬† During the fall semester of my sophomore¬†year my twin sister started mentally spiraling out of control.¬† She¬†began to struggle¬†with depression and started developing a crippling¬†obsessive¬†compulsive disorder.¬† Things starting becoming dangerous for both of us¬†when she became physically and emotionally abusive¬†towards me; later in the year she became suicidal.¬† I would have to say this was one of the most stressful¬†periods of my life.¬† I was living a nightmare and trying to pass finals at the same time; not an easy combination.¬†¬† Half-way through the semester our family thought it was best¬†for my sister to leave school.¬† My sister’s health is better now, but our relationship has been very different since that year.

Junior Year: This year was my “renaissance¬†year”,¬†a time for me to correct the mistakes of the past.¬† I¬† spent the last two years of college sad and angry, and to tell you the truth my life before¬†school wasn’t that rosy to begin with; I was ready to take control of my happiness and live life the way I wanted to.¬† Junior year¬†has definitely¬†been a life-defining moment for me.¬† I’ve experienced so many things that I’m¬†just bursting at the seams¬†to blog about, but I’m staying focused and addressing one thing at a time.¬† This year I lived in a off-campus town house with three other girls; I mention them in the post “Look Mommy! No Hands”.¬† They were amazing roommates at first, but the saying is true: you never truly know people until you live with them.¬† The girls were great in the beginning.¬† We hung out once in a while, respected each other’s privacy, cleaned up after ourselves (when we had time): all was good in the hood.¬† Things went sour when certain individuals started taking advantage of our relaxed lifestyle.¬† Cleaning starting becoming an issue, parties were being had mid-week, people started hogging the washing facilities- the house started to become a zoo.¬† I think the worst experience I had with these girls is when I heard Surfer Girl having sex with her boyfriend.¬† That was one of the most disrespectful thing I have ever¬†experienced in my life.¬† Now being fair to her¬†she was drunk¬†that night, however she should have given¬†me a heads up before she decided to get wasted and¬†have a romp in the hay with him in the house.¬†¬†After the malarkey¬†these girls put me through¬†I was more than happy to turn in my apartment keys at the end of the semester.

I know what you’re probably¬†thinking.¬† After reading these horrible stories you’re probably wondering¬†why I haven’t left college yet.¬† Besides the given fact that I want to finish my education, school has been somewhat of a cram session¬†for life for me.¬† Although I’ve been cursed with the bad fortune of having terrible roommates, I am grateful that I had these experiences; maybe I wasn’t happy about them when I was living¬† them, but I¬† realize I needed to endure these moments to mature.¬† Living with these roommates from the black lagoon have taught me that life is really a bowl of assorted events and you never know what your hand is going to pull out. Maybe that is why I am in the situation I’m in now…

If you enjoyed this anecdote continue reading this blog and find out¬†more about the¬†“Things My Mother Never Told Me But I Discovered Them On My Own”.¬† Thanks for reading ūüôā