For Our First Date I Want You To Fly Me To The Moon

12 Aug

My Dream Day Version 1

  • 6:00am- I wake up to the street lights peeking through my window blinds.  Raindrops are having a race on my window pane.  The cool blue early morning sky slowly wakes up my room.  I watch all of this from under my covers. I’m wearing a white v-neck and comfy sweat pants cuddled up to the person of my dreams.  I fall to asleep against (?) back.
  • 9:00am- I wake up to fresh orange juice, french toast, sausage, and fluffy eggs on a tray next to my bed with a letter from the person I love thanking God that I woke up again for another day to live with them.  We sit in bed eating, laughing, and wasting an otherwise potentially productive morning.
  • 10:00am- I take my Shiba Inu “Buddah” out for a morning run.
  • 11:00am- Go driving by the countryside
  • 12:00pm- Have a fantastic lunch with friends somewhere really fancy that serves bread and butter on fancy white plates. Eat guilt free.
  • 2:00pm-Go to a carnival and do all the cool carni stuff like eat cotton candy and funnel cakes, and ride a merry go-round.
  • 4:00pm- Kiss on the ferris wheel
  • 5:00pm- Go home and get tipsy while making home-made pizzas with my honey bunny.  Because we are so buzzed we pile on our pizza  toppings messy and flour-bomb the kitchen. We will clean up in the morning, but right now we will drown in each other’s laughter.
  • 7:00pm- Sit in bed and watch movies. The good, the bad, and the plain weird.
  • 10:00pm- Get really dressed up and go out dancing a the coolest club in town.  Get in the club for free because I’m so sexy.  Get free drinks all night, but turn them down :p
  • 1:00am- Come home and fall asleep in the arms of someone I love.

Image From WeHearIt

I Am My Own Secret Admirer

6 Aug

To my heart,

I am currently frantic writing so I’m not sure if this is going to be pretty for you guys.  You know what really angers me? When people aren’t honest with me or themselves. That really takes the cake for me.  Save me the heartache and just tell me what you want in life. It’s okay if you want something different, just let me know so I can gracefully bow out and no one’s feelings has to get hurt.  I was talking to a friend the other day about people like this.  People who plant themselves in your life, whether by choice or not, and start to drain or replenish your energy.  Her response to me was this:

“[My mom] has a theory,that everyone is either a giver or a taker and you have to marry someone, [be friends with, share a house with, ect] who is the opposite of you.  It’s not a bad thing to be a taker. you just need to find the right kind of giver, if that makes sense like… some people need more help or more reassurance than others, so they are  takers while givers need to take care of someone.”
I’m not sure which one I am.  I can be seen as a taker because I do need a lot of attention in a relationship, but I do give A LOT also.  I think I have a problem with that. When I like someone or something I just don’t give a little, I give a humongous part of myself and I expect that in return, but when it doesn’t happen I become disappointed.  I want to take, but I’m not satisfied with what’s given to me.  Relationships are very aggravating for me because it’s a hard balancing act I have to learn if I want a succesful union. Remembering that it’s not only my feelings that are involved in the relationship is a hard pill to swallow.  Keeping in mind that my actions no longer just affect me, but they affect my partner as well is hard to do.  Saying and doing are two different things.  Sympathizing and empathizing are two different things. Love and infatuation are two different things. Single and taken are two different things-you learn to pick a side when you commit your life to someone, and if you are not ready for that cut the strings Pinocchio and don’t waste my time.  I can waste my time with someone else.  I could be “that” girl, the one who doesn’t care about what type of trash she brings home because she’s going to dispose of them the next morning anyway, “that” girl.  I think I could be that heartless.  I feel that heartless now because I’m constantly pouring out my heart only to watch it splatter on the ground.  Just thought I would mention you’re not the first to tell me I’m pretty or that you love me.  God, and I am so sick of that word. Love. Do people even realize the gravity of that word? Loving a human being and loving that strawberry smoothie you get after work every Tuesday are two different things.  Don’t love me just because I’m here, and don’t love me because I tell you to love me.  No one can teach you how to love someone, and if you need instructions well then maybe you need some more time alone to figure it out.  Love me because you want to because I sure do, and I sacrifice everyday for doing that.  I’m hurting everyday for doing that.  Don’t let all this pain go in vain, and if you are on another page then let me turn another chapter in my life and let you go.  I love you, but I love myself more.
– a love letter to myself
Image from WeHearIt

A Bottle Blonde’s Dream

3 Aug

I’m not sure if this is a result of me being a product of the Facebook age, but the desire to be beautiful is growing into a down right obsession for me.  And not just “beautiful”, but “drop-dead, lose sleep over, gosh I want to be buried looking like that” beautiful.  As y’all know I am a Tumblr addict so I spend a large amount of my time on the site looking at gorgeous women who I could only dream about looking like; the Sophia Lorens and Marylin Monroes of 2012.  Sometimes I have these moments when I’m in the mirror and I make a face, for no apparent reason at all, that I am in love with and cry about later that I was too stupid to have not had my camera on me, like that was my only chance in life to be pretty.  Being pretty like those Tumblr girls seems impossible for me. How could I ever measure up? I know I can’t, but I can try right? That’s where the problem comes in :/ .  Spending hours online watching style and makeup videos, researching how to tone and lose weight, and learning how to take pictures like a Victoria Secret model is exhausting!  I am a perfectionist to a fault and I am always striving to be the best at everything I do, but how can you be the best at being beautiful?  I just really want to be like my vixen idols T.T

Extending the Olive Oil and Zaatar?

29 Jul

Image from Weheartit.com

What’s up everybody 🙂  I’m slowly coming back from the dead.  Sorry I haven’t been around as much as I would have liked to, but I’ve been having a rough summer so the  last thing on my mind was writing.  Things are slowly turning around however.  I am now writing for Love Twenty online magazine, so I am extremely happy to announce that, and yesterday I found out that Michele Ragussis commented on my blog ^^! How cool is that?  I was ecstatic when I saw the comment from the Food Network Star contender and felt honored that she took time out of her day to thank me, a random blogger.  Speaking of comments, I also received a comment from an individual who said that I should immediately cross out “make a list of 10 things I love about myself” off my “Get-A-Life” goal checklist because there are definitely more than 10 things to love about me.  I was really touched by that writer, and I just want them to know that their comment really changed the tone of my weekend; keep writing beautiful comments because you are changing people’s lives.

Okay 🙂 enough with being emo, lets talk about what’s been going on in Disa’s life. Okay well this summer I definietly have been taking the opportunity to discover who I truly am.  I feel like I’m finally

Coffy Cafe in Columbia Heights, Washington DC

asserting authority over my life.  My bestie got herself an internship in DC this summer, so I’ve been playing around with her in the city going to cafes, bars, and the mall; I feel so metropolitan.  For the remainder of the summer I’m just going to plan to focus on my career goals, my writing, and repairing my relationship with my family.  As I’ve mentioned in a previous post me and my family have been on bad terms for a while now; things are just starting to be good again between us.  Last night I watched retro slasher “I Saw What You Did” and ate Jordanian Zaatar on pita bread with my oldest sister- both experiences were interesting.  “I Saw What You Did” was hardly scary at all so I wouldn’t recommend this movie to any horror buffs.  The movie  featured Joan Crawford in her “past her prime” days, and her acting ability in this movie definitely shows her time in the limelight was indeed up. The Jordanian Zaatar accompanied with pita bread was pretty good.  Normally I don’t  like Middle Eastern foods, but this meal was delicious and full of earthy, spicy goodness.  All-in-all the evening was relaxing, and the most important thing is my sister decided to hang out with me.  She’s starting to care about me again even though she doesn’t agree with certain things I’ve decided to accept into my life; she’s worried if I’m in a good place mentally.  I can honestly say that I haven’t been feeling good about myself lately, but I’m trying really hard to get the “old Kandice” back, and be able to smile and laugh again without hesitation.  Hopefully things are starting to look up for me.

*Most images are from Google with the exception of the photo from the Coffy Cafe.

A Rainy Saturday Afternoon

29 Jul

Today I went outside in the rain in my pajamas.  The paradoxical weather of thick, warm air and cool rain wrapped its arms around me.  I let the drops of rain fall on my hands.  I felt at peace for the few minuets I stayed outside.  I haven’t felt that way in quite some time.  Sorry for my absence from this blog, but I needed to take some time out for myself.  I still may need some more time to get my life back under control.  I’m turning a new chapter in my life and everything and everyone I knew in the past may not be on the next page with me.   Thank you for your support of this blog and I promise I’ll be back soon.

Image from WeHeartIt

Things My Mother Never Told Me But I Discovered Them On My Own Post 4: Parenting Comes in Different Shapes and Sizes

28 Jun

So as my summer of boredom continues I am trying to find ways to make time go faster.  Today because I was completely bored out of my mind I watched popular viral videos on YouTube.  Yes I know, I did not use my day effectively today, but at this point in my life I couldn’t find anything better to do than laugh and laugh I did.  There was one video I watched today called “Facebook Parenting” that I just could not go to sleep without blogging about.  This video made me laugh, cry, and want to hand this father a purple heart for saving our country from yet another disrespectful child.  Take a look at what I am referring to:

I’ve watched this video more than five times and I STILL giggle like a school girl inside.  This man is a hero and the way he decided to discipline his child is just ingenious; I doubt his daughter will ever try to pull that same type of crap again.  Every parent in America should be standing on their feet cheering for this man, but of course they are not.  I thought this video was fantastic, but this dad has received some harsh criticism over his apparently “extreme parenting”.

My take on the video:

I didn’t think his actions were extreme at all.  I’m not sure about anyone else, but when I was younger I knew of friends who if they even blinked their eyes in a disrespectful way to their parents they would get slapped with pans, extension cords, shoes, and whatever else their parents could find that wouldn’t kill them.  First of all, the man in this video very rationally addresses his issue with his daughter listing everything that is wrong with her inappropriate Facebook post.  The video also explains that he dealt with this type of behavior from her in the past and that she was quite aware of what would happen if she was to do something like that again.  Now was pulling the gun out and gunning the laptop down a bit dramatic? Yes, but it got his very clear point across that “you will not disrespect me in front of others and think you are going to get away with it”.  I mean, come on people.  How would you feel if you basically spent your entire life pampering your child and then they turned around and decided to bash your parenting skills on the computer you bought them?  I feel many would of pulled the same Office Space move as well.  This man did what he felt was fit for his child and I commend him for taking control of the situation. No pun intended, but everyone wants to shoot the messenger but guess what? His message got delivered; all seven bullets.

Bye-Bye Flickr :(

23 Jun

Hi guys 🙂 Quick update regarding this blog: I recently deleted my flickr account.  I wasn’t paying it any attention and I was tired of having an inactive account, so it’s gone.  If you want to see pictures of my life and what’s on my mind I strongly encourage you to visit my tumblr page.  I go on that thing like everyday and flood it with tons of goodies so please visit.